Is the mom-to-be being rude or am I being sensitive?

by Miss W

(Longview, WA USA)

I asked my sister-in-law if I could throw her baby shower. She seemed thrilled and said yes. This is turning out to be a huge headache for me and I don’t know what to do!
I was so excited to make handmade invites with that special touch for her and I was sure she would like them. Before I could even get started she went out and purchased invitations 2 mos into her pregnancy and gave them to me. I was honestly offended by this. I felt deflated and controlled.
A few months ago I told her that I was looking at a local restaurant to host her party and she told me that she didn’t want that and to have it at her mom’s (my mother in law) house. I felt like telling her to have her mom throw it then. She also informed me that this shower was going to be for men too and to make sure to have games for everyone’s kids to play as they will be coming too. At this point I want to scream!
I know that this is for her but I am also paying and supposed to be the one doing the planning and I feel that she is taking advantage of me. I think she is being incredibly rude and controlling. Mainly rude! I need some help with this, I don’t know how to approach her about her lack of etiquette and I am wanting to be sure I am not being too sensitive.

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Is the mom-to-be being rude or am I being sensitive?

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Jun 16, 2009

I think you are being a bit sensitive

by: Sonya

I understand where you are coming from though. I remember when I threw a shower for my sister – she bought her own invitations and helped me pick out the decorations and cake. We had to go to a dozen stores to find stuff, and she went everywhere with me. I kind of felt like since the party is for her, and not to mention that she was very pregnant at the time, that she should not be doing all this running around, planning her own party. That was my job since I was the hostess. But, since she is my sister, I didnt get too worked up about it. It wasnt a big deal for me. I figured, this is her party, so she gets what she wants. Its about making her happy.

And I think the same should apply for your situation. I understand that you are paying for everything, and you were really looking forward to making those invitations, but the party is supposed to be about her.

I would say try sitting down and talking about this. Maybe she doesnt even realize that she’s being a bit pushy. If you address it, maybe she will back off. You know how brides-to-be become “bridezillas” sometimes? Well moms-to-be are the same way with their baby showers sometimes. They feel like “if I want things done right, I have to do it myself and make all the decisions”.

I think the 2 of you are close and mature enough that this can be worked out. Besides, we all know that dealing with family can be stressful sometimes:) Just talk to each other and find a common ground. And remember, its not that big of a deal. She’s just telling you what she wants.

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