Daughters First Child + Pushy Mother-In-Law…

by Valerie Jo

(Fontana, CA USA)

Hello,

I am the Mother (owner of event planning business) to a daughter w/first child.

Recently I was informed that ‘mother-in-law’ volunteered herself to plan my daughters baby shower. Hummmm…

In my day it was usually a ‘best friend’ or ‘sister’…

But, okay…if ‘mother-in-law’ wants to step up, then okay!

However, here is where my dilemma begins…

My daughter indicated to mother-in-law that her Mother, Step-Mother, girlfriend & sister-in-law would like to help. Mother-in-law closed the door to the idea as she already had plenty of help with ‘her’ sister-in-laws

To date my daughter has yet to be asked what SHE wants! Where she wants the shower at, what kind of food or cake to serve, games or not, favors/colors, blah…blah…blah…you get the picture.

Recently my daughter needed a sit-down & talk session with me about the baby shower!

Owning an event planning business myself I end up sitting down with brides & having these very same talks about ‘in your face’ mothers & mother-in-laws all the time.

But, this seemed different as I was now faced with ‘what do I tell my daughter’ that doesn’t sound ‘canned’ or seeming to side for myself!

So, her resolve was that mother-in-law’s baby shower would be only for husbands side of the family, this would leave the door open for myself, step-mother, friend & sister-in-law to plan a baby shower for our side of the family.

Yesterday another Mother/Daughter talk was requested: mother-in-law has now rented a ‘golf course’, complete with brunch & champagne, 3 tier cake, favors, games & invitations have already been made, addressed & stamped. (Addresses that she retrieved from the wedding list over a year ago…)

My daughter is a simple type, her request was: a park, local community center, finger sandwiches (made by her brother’s, who is a Chef, restaurant), no games, etc.

Now…I find myself searching for answers for my daughter. What would be the proper etiquette? Do I make a call myself to mother-in-law volunteering myself to help, taking a back door entrance & trying to curb some of the ‘over the top’ plans? Does Daughter need to ‘belly up to the bar’ & insist to mother-in-law that this is all too much?

Thank you, looking forward to your answer.